What Did I Do to Deserve This?

Dannah Gresh: Can you give thanks when it seems impossible? David and Ciara Dierking had to answer that question.

David Dierking: We were told very early on that there was a good chance that Ciara might lose limbs. I could see her fingertips start turning black and then I could see it going up her arm. 

Ciara Dierking: I don't deserve good health; I don't deserve an easy life; I don't deserve any of it. I've done nothing to deserve anything that God has given me. He has been more than gracious in what He has given to me.

Dannah: This is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author of Choosing Gratitude, for Monday, November 11, 2024. I’m Dannah Gresh.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Several months ago, my pastor’s wife sent me a social media post that took my breath away, and I’ve never forgotten it! A man from South Carolina named David Dierking posted it.

At the time, David’s wife, Ciara, was in the hospital in intensive care and on life support. My pastor’s wife wrote, “It looks like she may recover, but they’re having to take part of her hand off—something about her fingers turning black due to lack of circulation.”

Well, that text proved to be an understatement. The doctors ended up needing to do much more than take off part of Ciara’s hand. Over these months, she has suffered extreme loss that is difficult to even imagine!

But as I watched this family go from one challenge to another, watching them record this on social media to share it with others, through it all they kept displaying a heart of amazing gratitude! There’s so much more to the story that has transpired since that first social media post. 

So, we’re going to start at the beginning and hear the story today and tomorrow. Whatever you may be going through today, believe it or not, you can choose gratitude! I hope you’ll set aside whatever you’re doing and listen to this precious example of giving thanks in all circumstances!

Dannah: When David and Ciara Dierking were first married, they had certain expectations about the way they hoped life would unfold.

Ciara Dierking: I had planned on an easy, happy, comfortable life. 

David Dierking: When we got married it was just all excitement. You just picture your marriage is going to be the perfect marriage.

Ciara: Neat and tidy!

I love my home to be neat and clean, and my family to be healthy. I despise sickness!

Dannah: They had two boys, Jackson and Colton . . .

Ciara: Which was an adventure! They are fun and loud and a bit wild, so that was a little bit more crazy than the story I had thought of for myself. But we really just enjoyed doing all kinds of things together—hikes and being outdoors. Yeah, I think I pictured a pretty easy-going life.

David: You don’t really think at that time about the difficult things that you might have to go through, and what those marriage vows might mean.

Ciara: I was really blessed to grow up in a Christian family. I was in church every time the doors were open and Vacation Bible School and summer camps. I think I kind of had maybe a little bit of entitlement or a thought that I had deserved to be saved because I was just a very good person. I was kind of a people pleaser. I think in some way I felt like I was deserving to be saved. 

Probably just a couple of years ago I realized just how undeserving anybody is to be saved, and how much of a gift of grace it is from God that He would choose me to be saved. It was not anything good that I had done at all!

I feel like that was maybe the time I was truly saved, or maybe just something that the Lord opened my eyes to more clearly. What we deserve is God’s cup of wrath, and what we’ve been given . . . Even if He gave us nothing else beyond just not giving us the wrath, He has given us so many blessings: Christ, and even just in our lives, health, and food and family. Just the real fact that none of us deserve to be saved really was something that stuck with me.

Dannah: In 2023, the Dierkings were visiting David’s family in Pennsylvania. On the day after Christmas, their three-year-old son Colton became ill.

David: When Colton gets sick, he gets grumpy. So I just figured, “He’s not feeling well, he’s being grumpy.” He was complaining.

Ciara: His neck was hurting. He didn’t really have much of an appetite. He was just very tired and sleepy.

David: He was lying on the couch and I went to lift him, and he just cried out like he was in a lot of pain. Then I realized it was more than just him being sick. Ciara took Colton to the Emergency Room. 

Ciara: They, thankfully, were able to get us in very quickly and were able to get him admitted and on some strong antibiotics.

David: It took them awhile to figure out what was wrong with him.

Ciara: They were able to figure out that he had Coronavirus, as well as strep, and that he had some abscesses on his neck that were pressing against his spinal cord, so it was causing a lot of pain for him. 

David stayed at the hospital with Colton, because at that point I was not feeling very well. I decided to go back to my in-laws and rest overnight and the next day while David stayed with Colton.

David: I didn’t know how long I was going to be there; I thought it would be just a couple hours for them to figure out what was wrong and then they would send us home. It ended up being overnight.Ciara and I were texting back and forth, but it was all about Colton. There were a few mentions about her not feeling well, but it was mostly concern about Colton.

Ciara: I really wasn’t thinking about my own symptoms very much, to be honest. Any mom would know that moms don’t really take sick days.

David: I was there with him for the next two days.

Ciara: I developed a really bad cough pretty much out of the blue. It just came on out of nowhere. During that following night, I knew that something was definitely wrong. I was having a hard time taking a deep breath, and it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest!

David: That morning I sent her a text to ask if she was going to Urgent Care or straight to the Emergency Room, and she responded, “I’m not even sure if I can make it!” My mom ended up driving her to the Emergency Room.

Ciara: They pretty quickly put me on oxygen and called David to come down from Colton’s room, to let him know that I was sick.

David: I came down to be with her, and already the room was just completely full of doctors and nurses. A nurse came over to me immediately, and she said, “I just want to make sure you know just how serious this is! If I were to write this on a scale of 1–10, she would be a ‘10,’ sick. I could tell from her voice that she was scared for Ciara, but I had no idea just how bad it was!

Ciara: I mean, to us, we were young and healthy. I kind of thought, Does that mean I’m spending the night? What does that mean? They admitted me.

David: She was diagnosed with influenza B and Group A strep, and she had really bad pneumonia.

Ciara: They realized that the oxygen wasn’t staying in my lungs. It was actually going out through holes into my stomach, so they needed to put me to sleep to put a tube down my throat. I just remember before going to sleep, I was just asking for a drink of water. I had no idea that it would be like five more months until I was able to actually have a drink of water again!

David: When we got up to the ICU, a doctor came and started talking to me. I just remember him saying, “I trust by now that you’ve read between the lines,” and I hadn’t until that point! I was like, “Read between the lines?” I looked over and the chaplain was in the room, and I was like, “Okay, it’s that serious!”

The doctor told me, “If you have any family that’s able to make it, I would strongly recommend that they would start making plans to travel.” Her family pretty much immediately started driving up. I had family that came all the way from Texas to be with us. 

We had a meeting with one of the main doctors, and he just laid everything out in front of us. He said, “The next twelve hours are going to be the most critical. Right now she’s on a downward path, things are going to keep getting worse.”

He said, “Unless we see things start to plateau, there’s nothing we can do. Medically speaking, we’ve done everything we can do. She’s on full life support. There’s nothing more medically that we can do for her.”

One of the doctors even said, “At this point, you’re going to need to pray for a miracle!” We were all sitting around a conference table, and when the doctor left, my mom just led us in prayer. She just started praying. 

She got through, and my oldest brother started praying. He got about three words in, and he just broke down! At that point all my brothers started crying. We just had a whole room of family that was just in tears.

Growing up with seven brothers, it’s something we just didn’t do. We did not cry growing up. I’d never seen any of my brothers cry, and that’s a memory that’s going to stick with me forever. We were just all heartbroken, we couldn’t believe it!

I would go between Colton’s room and her room. They said, “We want to transfer him to Hershey Medical because they have an ICU there for children,” and the hospital Colton was in didn’t have that.

They said, “Just seeing where things are going—especially with your wife—we want to make sure he’s in a place where, if anything would go really poorly, he would have access to that.” So then he was transferred to Hershey, which was about forty minutes from where Ciara was at. For about a month, I was driving back and forth between the two hospitals.

Everything that Ciara was going through, I felt like that was my highest priority. I knew that Colton’s situation wasn’t as serious, and we had family that was staying with him and watching him. But at the same time I felt guilt for not spending more time with him. I tried to get over there as much as I could.

But then when I was with him, I was leaving behind a wife that . . . it was hour by hour with her, you just didn’t know. I didn’t know when I left her if that would be the end. It was like that for a good while.

I would leave and I would get a call, saying, “She’s had a pneumothorax, and her lungs have collapsed.” It almost got to the point where it was kind of expected that something was going to go wrong. I would get a call like that and rush back to the hospital.

At what point do you just ignore your kids, because this stuff was just happening nonstop? Yeah, I was torn between who to be with and when. I was in the hospital with Ciara the most; I spent every night there. 

I would try to visit Colton during the day, but it wasn’t every day. They eventually decided to do surgery, and once they did the second surgery, it was a night and day difference with him. When they did that second surgery, he was just bouncing on the bed, running around.

Dannah: All this began while the Dierkings were visiting David’s family in Pennsylvania. David’s mom wanted to help, and began cleaning up some of the family’s things. She discovered the book Ciara had been reading when she went into the hospital.It was Choosing Gratitude by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth.

Ciara had been taking notes and underlining.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth (Portion Read): When we offer thanksgiving to God, we see God in a bigger light ourselves, and we show others how big God is!

David: My mom put out a post about what Ciara was reading, surprised at the way the Lord had led in Ciara’s life leading up to this point, even in what she was reading.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth (Portion Read): Thanksgiving produces the peace of God in our hearts. If you want to have the peace of God ruling and reigning in your heart, you need to cultivate the attitude of gratitude!

 

David: My mom started reading the book, and she asked me at that point if she could hold onto the book. She wanted to read through it herself and just kind of get into the mind of Ciara, to learn more about what she was like through her markings in the book.

So she started putting out some posts with some of the things that Ciara had marked in the book, along with what Nancy had written.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth (Portion Read): You will be able to rest in your heart, even if battle is raging around you. You will have peace, the peace of God . . . not because your circumstances have all worked out to your liking, not because God has granted everything that you’ve asked Him to give you . . . but because God’s presence will come in response to your thanksgiving.

David: The posts that my mom put on Facebook, they had a huge impact on our perspectives.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth (Portion Read): When we thank God, regardless of our circumstances, that spirit of thankfulness, that attitude of gratitude, produces the peace of God in our hearts.

David: We were told very early on that there was a good chance that Ciara might lose limbs. Minimum, we expected maybe a couple of fingers, but we just had to wait and see. We were so focused on saving her life that we just completely put that on the back burner. I almost kind of forgot about it, honestly.

I could see her fingertips start turning black and then I could see it going up her arm. We would ask every nurse and doctor that came in, “Do you think she’s going to lose her limbs?” We got all kinds of different answers, nobody could nail it down. They didn’t want to give us any false hope. We were just told, “Time will tell.”

It was at one point that she went down for surgery . . . It was a specialist with the arms and legs who just flat-out told us, “I’m absolutely certain she’s going to lose all of them.” It was at that point that I completely broke down. Her mom was the one who had come to be the rock. I just lost it, and she said, “You know what, we've known this was going to happen. This is just what needs to be done to save her life. I’d rather have this than not to have her at all.” 

It was a Sunday and one of the doctors came in that morning and said, “These legs are not looking good, it looks like there’s an infection. We need to take her down now!”

When they brought her back up to the room, the first time I saw her, it was just like a part of her was gone, and it was a very strange thing. It seemed like there was half of her. And then she ended up getting an infection in her arms as well. They did surgery on them, so she had both arms removed at the same time.

It took her a long time to come to. They had her on sedatives and when her heart started working again, and her organs started to function again, they told us, “We’re going to take her off these sedatives. It should take anywhere between four to six hours to maybe a day or two.” It ended up taking at least a week for her to come to!

Ciara: My first memory was actually my sister-in-law reading to me. She was reading from a devotional book, and she was reading from the Bible.

David: We were really concerned that there might be brain damage.

Ciara: It was really hard to think clearly. I was on a lot of medicines, a lot of pain medicine, and a lot of my thoughts were very kind of bizarre. It was hard to figure out what was going on.

David: Her mom, I believe, noticed the first flutter of her eyelashes. Then I saw her eyelashes fluttering. 

Ciara: I have one memory, especially in the beginning. One of the nurses in the hospital came over and she said, “I was just about to read my devotions, can I read this with you?” So she sat down, and she read her devotions with me and prayed with me and then put on some Christian music for me. That’s probably one of my earliest memories.

David: And then it moved to barely moving her mouth and trying to communicate things. It was almost impossible to tell what she was trying to say, because she couldn’t move her mouth enough.

Ciara: Honestly, it still felt like I had my hands and my feet. I just remember the moment that I found out I did not. That was devastating. It was a really, really hard day. I had been kind of upbeat and excited that I was awake and excited to go home . . . and then I realized I didn’t have my limbs.

I remember telling my mom—well, “telling.” I couldn’t speak. I was mouthing to my mom, “I’m done!” 

And she was like, “You’re done for the day?” And I meant I was really done!

I was done with surgeries. I did not want to keep being alive and being in the hospital for another day. When you are in the hospital, every day is the same. I didn't leave my bed for months! Some of the rooms didn't have windows. I was really done. I was done fighting.

But at that point it was too late to be done. God had a different plan for me, and His plan was not for me to be done.

What did I do to deserve this? Like, did I not work in VBS enough times? I had these thoughts going through my mind. What did I do to deserve this? Why did God let this happen to me? Why did He choose this for me? It was something I really, really struggled with.

I couldn't understand how a loving God would do something like that to one of His children. But because of what I had learned before: that I am undeserving person; that I don't deserve good health; I don't deserve an easy life; I don't deserve any of it. It is all just God's gift of grace that He chose me to be His child and that He is with me every day. And He will give strength for whatever that brings.

So, I couldn't get over that,  what did I do to deserve this? The answer was, I've done nothing to deserve anything that God has given me. He has been more than gracious in what He has given to me.

Nancy: Well, we have to break in right there. Tomorrow we’ll hear part two of Ciara and David’s story.

We all know what it’s like to experience loss in some way. But it’s hard to imagine what it was like for Ciara losing all her limbs. Tomorrow, we will hear about the layers upon layers of challenges she and David went through.

We will also hear the amazing perspective Ciara has on gratitude. She has insights that will help you handle times of loss in your own life. I also hope you’ll watch the video our team made with David and Ciara. It’s so deeply moving! I’ll know you’ll not only want to watch it yourself, but share it with others. We’ll have a link in the transcript to today’s program at ReviveOurHearts.com.

When I wrote the book, Choosing Gratitude, I had no idea that that book would end up in the hands of a woman like Ciara who was about to go through so many trials. I’m so grateful the Lord made that connection and allowed Revive Our Hearts to play just a small role in her story.

We would like to help you maintain a sense of gratitude through whatever you may experience in the year ahead. So we would love to send you the Revive Our Hearts 2025 Wall Calendar. We have dedicated the new calendar to Ciara.

The opening pages of the calendar tell part of her story. This calendar is beautifully designed, and it includes quotes from the book Choosing Gratitude. As you flip through the pages month after month, you’ll be reminded to give thanks each day. 

We’d like to send you the Choosing Gratitude calendar as our way of saying “thanks” when you make a donation of any size to the ministry of Revive Our Hearts. 

Dannah: To get your copy of the 2025 Choosing Gratitude calendar, visit ReviveOurHearts.com. That’s also where you can get a copy of the book that has been so much help to the Dierking family. Look for the book Choosing Gratitude when you visit ReviveOurHearts.com. You can also call 1-800-569-5959.

I know so many of our listeners can relate in some way to the painful story we’ve heard today. The details of your trial may be different from Ciara’s, but as you’ve listened, it might have reminded you of your own challenge. 

Well, I invite you to an online event hosted by Revive Our Hearts. It’s calledEnduring Trials and Suffering. The event is tomorrow, and you do need to register. To do that, visit ReviveOurHearts.com/help.

We had to end today’s program partway through David and Ciara’s story. Their challenges have not gone away . . . and neither has their sense of gratitude. Find out how Ciara navigates life as a busy mom of two boys and what role thankfulness continues to play for this family. That’s tomorrow on Revive Our Hearts!

This program is a listener-supported production of Revive Our Hearts in Niles, Michigan, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness in Christ.

*Offers available only during the broadcast of the podcast season.